


his selfish love

by awkwardspaceturtle



Series: his brother's keeper [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Dry Humping, M/M, Mutual Pining, Realization, Sibling Incest, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:56:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23028160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardspaceturtle/pseuds/awkwardspaceturtle
Summary: Feisty little kitty; not afraid to fight, yet hides behind his camera lenses when it comes to the person he loves. Sleeps with his twin, too, rides dick like a fucking cowboy and cries his name like a little bitch during every climax. You are your own kind of creepy, aren’t you?And it’s just as Kuro had wanted it, in the end -- for him to see that what he wants can never be - that they’re all dirty, needy and undeserving. And ultimately for Keith stay away from Shiro.
Relationships: Keith/Kuro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Kuro/Shiro (Voltron)
Series: his brother's keeper [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/540040
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	his selfish love

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: please mind the tags. actual incest exists in this series. but if you've been to the original couple of stories and wanted more, welcome back!  
>   
> i've had a lot of thoughts about this series ever since i last wrote about it in 2016  
> 
> 
> i felt that each part stood on its own, but the histories and potential possibilities after part one really stuck with me and i wanted to explore these thoughts further, but i had to know the characters a lot better in this setting...
> 
> i had to ask, where did we leave Keith at the ending of part one? how about Shiro's side to all of this? i think Kuro's perspective is given the most clarity because i wrote most of it in his perspective, and i honestly have more fun writing him as a separate being from Shiro who's over-protective and possessive and harbors an unhealthy obsession for his blood-related twin.  
>   
> anyways, this is a result from me trying to answer those questions. there were soooo many ways this all played out in my mind, but over the course of 4 years, only a few plot points made it to the final.  
> but yup, i don't think i'm done with this. a bit more will come, maybe if not now, in another 4 years lol

The cabin shakes as the Light Rail reaches another stop, and Keith allows himself to breathe. He knows breathing in and out slowly in a calculated rhythm will not placate the storm in his stomach, nor douse the heat pooling in his pelvic area, but he does it anyway. Around him, the same scene unfolds -- commuters pile for the door to get out, the space they left immediately occupied by passengers coming onboard. The result is the same: he remains where he is pinned against the cool metal of the cabin wall -- chest to chest, torso to torso, everything to everything, against the very warm-bodied a very quiet Shiro.

Everything about this is ironic. Unplanned. Messy. Yes, _messy_ , and incredibly so.

For the first time, he didn’t go into extreme lengths to tailor his schedule according to Shiro’s, didn’t bring a fully charged camera anywhere on his body to add more shots onto his carefully mapped wall. The finality and venom of Kuro’s words still sting, like salt sprinkled over an open wound.

_Don’t get carried away, little kitty._

After agonizing hours of contemplating, he finally deleted Kuro’s number from his phone, granted he wasn’t getting any more texts or calls from him anyway. No more after discovering his poisoned truth. _Their_ poisoned truth.

_You can hold in to these pictures all you want, but that’s all you’ll ever have. Don’t even think you can ever get near him._

He found no sleep for the remainder of that night. All at once, he understood everything -- the tinge of hesitation in Shiro’s every action around him, the voiceless desire projected in his gaze that he never pursues which in turn intensified Keith’s own longing, the seemingly thickening emotional and physical distance between them -- and of course, the unexpected offer from Kuro.

_Feisty little kitty; not afraid to fight, yet hides behind his camera lenses when it comes to the person he loves. Sleeps with his twin, too, rides dick like a fucking cowboy and cries his name like a little bitch during every climax._ _You are your own kind of creepy, aren’t you?_

And it’s just as Kuro had wanted it, in the end -- for him to see that what he wants can never be - that they’re all dirty, needy and undeserving. And ultimately for Keith stay away from Shiro.

It was akin to a withdrawal; it was a fight, still _is_ a fight. Even moreso today. Until they coincidentally shared a train cabin together, crammed to the side among all these faceless commuters. Keith didn’t mean to press so close to Shiro. Didn’t plan on inevitably grinding against him with every jerk the cabin did along the rails. Didn’t pray enough to keep the tightness in his pants so painfully visible to Shiro, could’t quite silence his whimpers nor keep breathing into his neck.

The pleasure he derives from performing sinful acts while facing his wall of secretly taken photos pales to the real , breathing bulk of the man himself -- but the ache looming at the back in his mind feels more real, too. This right now is real, but it’s not _real_.

Even more agonizing is, he can feel Shiro’s throbbing _girth_ against his jeans.

The cabin shakes again. It’s almost to the next stop. Shoulders bump into each other and arms hold onto the overhead handles and whatever else that can help their equilibrium, while two young men brace themselves against the past tantalizing half hour. Keith can’t say he hasn’t dirtied his own boxers after the first five minutes.

The train finally reaches his stop. Not Keith’s -- _Shiro_ ’s stop. Keith missed his own six stations ago.

He feels the entire cabin gently tremble with disembarking passengers, again repeating the same pattern if emptying and refilling of bodies. The vacant spaces that led to the cabin doors are easily occupied, posing obstruction. And yet, Shiro doesn’t move. He remains where he stands facing the outer window, Keith tucked in the space between him and the wall.

The clock is ticking. Shiro’s face is cast in shadow, and Keith doesn’t dare look at his face. Chest to chest, torso to torso, everything to everything. Except their hands. It’s as if they knew not to actively reach out for one another.

A strange thought manifests in Keith’s mind, and the intensity of these few words jolt him awake. All at once, like a star about to combust into a million particles of space dust, a myriad emotions tackle him -- surprise, confusion, clarity, loneliness, anger, regret. More than the sensation of Shiro against him, this is what weakens his knees entirely.

_Kuro would have done it differently._

The thought echoes in Keith’s mind like an undying organ, pulling out memories to the surface, specters of well-memorized sensations of touches on his skin, harsh wet bites around his shoulder, fingers tight around his wrists.

_Kuro would have done it differently._

Keith knows he would have made a sick game of pleasure and humiliation of this. He would sneakily direct his fingers to the sensitive spots he has mapped on Keith’s body. He would take Keith’s trembling hands inside his own pants and bite his ear as he urged him to finish the task. He would tease him using Shiro’s name, and command him to bite his own tongue so he doesn’t cry out too loud upon release.

Keith also knows that Kuro would never meet him anywhere outside his bedroom. That Kuro, to his very core, has nothing but contempt for him.

And yet why is he finding himself preferring Kuro’s darkness to Shiro’s nothing?

With another deafening thunderclap of realization, Keith finally understands. Why Shiro presents him with this _nothing_ , why the long-held gazes never lead to anything more -- he understands, but this clarity doesn't bring him any comfort.

A woman’s robotic voice carries a prerecorded announcement throughout the body of the cabin. The doors will be closing soon, passengers should step inside the safety line.

“You should go,” Keith finally manages to say, albeit in a broken voice. _If you still wouldn’t touch me after all, you should just go._

He feels Shiro stiffen against him at the sudden dismissal. And he rightfully should -- Keith made sure to add the same kind if finality that Kuro laced his words with.

He thinks he understands more than he did after that night. There is no happy ending to this -- maybe it was doomed from the moment he met them both -- because he can clearly see it for what it is now, a double-edged sword. It was like being in a drama of the protagonist having to choose between two lovers -- If it weren’t so hopelessly sad, he might even laugh about how cliche that sounded in his mind, except it was all twisted in ways that couldn’t be undone.

“Get home safe,”’ Shiro tells him gruffly. Keith still can’t look up to see him, so he doesn’t know what kind of expression he’s making. All he sees are Shiro’s shoes backing away, merging with the faceless crowd of commuters. Another person takes his place, and Keith places his bag where his painful dissatisfaction remained throbbing by itself.

It isn’t long before his body already misses the feverish heat of Shiro against him; it will take infinitely longer for his heart to forget the urgent rhythm that matched the beat in Shiro’s chest.

He vaguely registers an annoyed voice going “Why didn’t you get off sooner?” and a mumbled apology. The mechanized doors start to shut, pause as Shiro pushes his way out, and finally close shut. No matter how intensely close they’d been, it had been so easy to part.

The train speeds up in the rails, cutting through the rain that’s started to fall. Keith rides until the last station, and makes his journey back home from there.

**Author's Note:**

> on the topic of the title:  
>   
> who was the selfish one out the three of them? the easy answer may be Kuro, whose possessiveness of Shiro causes him to sexually shame all those who see Shiro in a romantic light, but is this answer satisfactory? can it be Keith, who in my 2016 fic that started this series, stalked Shiro and eventually agreed to sleep with Kuro because although fake, it made him live his fantasy? or Shiro, who can't help his connection to Keith yet doesn't have the guts to cut him off completely despite knowing it will hurt both Kuro and Keith?  
>   
> in my mind it's all three of them. i hope i was able to write that into this series... tho i haven't shown much of Shiro's side.  
> anyways, if you're here in the end notes, thank you for reading!


End file.
